MINDFUL PARENTING

MINDFUL PARENTING

Parenting is a skill. The couple or say wife & husband are raised in position to parenthood only with the birth of their offspring. The couple is blessed by either a girl or a boy or even both only by the will & wish of Allah swt. They are blessed with children -  one, many or sometimes by none if Allah swt so wishes. Surely parenthood is a great blessing from Allah swt to the couple and a precious gift to handle too.

Parenting, i.e Caring for and raising children in a manner to please Allah swt is the sacred duty of every parent and a difficult task too.  In fact, Allah swt reminds us in the Holy Quran that children may even be a great trial for their parents.  The triumphs and tribulations of life are a test and children are no exception.  Children can bring great joy and at times they can bring great sadness as well.

“Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas God, with Him is a great reward (Paradise).” (Quran 64:15)

It is time now to understand the delicate role of parenthood and the responsibilities that it carries in raising or say grooming the progeny.

Prophet Muhammad said,
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The parents are like the shepherd to their flocks i.e. children. They are like the gardener to the flowers of their garden. Therefore a constant effort and mindful parenting should be made to make our children the means of charity for our life in hereafter.

Owing to their responsibilities towards their children ,Parents should make Dua like of Zakariyah a.s. who pleaded with Allah swt to bless him with pious progeny; Like of Ibrahim a.s. who made Dua for an obedient son, for patience and perseverance and like Yaqoob a.s. who sought for his children’s unity, understanding & Taqwa. Parents should always make Dua to Allah swt to seek their children’s protection from shaitan & all the evils of the world like what  our Prophet Mohammad ( s a s ) did for his children, grandchildren and for his ummah.

Lets introspect if we are prepared for mindful parenting ?

We believe that every  child is born submitting to its creator with  the innate inclination to love and worship Him.  It is we, the parents who choose to give him / her a different religion or a character beneficial or harmful to himself or to the society.

Hence, Parenting needs a system, a scientific approach and a proven style to raise the children to be successful in living and pleasing the creator as well. It's important to ensure the parenting style is supporting healthy growth, morality and development that influences the child for the rest of his / her life.

Fearing their newly gained responsibility, Parents tend to impose rules and enforce discipline on their children. Children who grow up with such strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time but, their obedience comes at a price.Children of the authoritarian parenting refuse to consider their child’s feelings, emotions or capacities. They are at a higher risk of development self-esteem problems because their opinions are never valued. They become hostile or aggressive. They may grow to dislike their parents and to become good liars to avoid punishment.

The thumb rule to groom children is to be compassionate with them as shown by our prophet Mohammad s.a.s .It will help them to grow with love, respect and influence them with manners.

Compassionate parents will instill self esteem in children and escalate understanding for themselves and for their peers. They are nurtured to be responsible and caring individuals.
It is necessary to enforce rules and give consequences in a way to make the child see the world and understand it to handle it safely. Children of authoritative parents are well raised with reasons, ways to solve problems and bank on elders for assistance. They work in co operation and co ordination pooling in their and their elders skills and abilities. Their end result is greater productivity and higher satisfaction.

Authoritative parents walk their talk. They invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems and use positive discipline strategies to reinforce healthy behavior, like praise and reward systems. Their disciplinary actions result in further learning .Such children develop leadership qualities and skills to excel in today’s competitive world. Creating and maintaining a positive relationship with the child like the authoritative parent will surely influence the child’s living and strengthens his soul too.

On the other hand, we have parents who set rules for their children but rarely enforce them. They are more lenient, least interfering in children’s activities and more a friend than a parent. Children of such Permissive parenting result in sadness of life, have health issues ,  poor academics and develop non appreciation attitude towards rules or authority. Their expectations are high and so is their level of unsatisfaction. Such children think that everything in the world can be achieved by bullying or buying.

Therefore, it is advisable for parents to blend the parenting style that will enforce Compassion and provide  them with chances for Consultation, Cooperation, Confidentiality & judicial control. Parents should integrate Clarity of thoughts & values, Consistency of instructions and adhere to commitments. They should encourage Charity; develop coolness, calmness ,courage & confidence in  children’s personality and drive  them through creativity to beautify living with strong fundamentals of deen and love of their creator.

Parents should set the clock of Islam in their living style.Stories of heroes from ISLAM with noble characters and high moral values should constantly ring into the ears of their children.

Parents should avoid forcing children into nonproductive competitions , Comparisons, Control and  Criticism. They should keep their children away from Corruption, Confusions, Contradictions, Carelessness , Colonization and Consumerism.

The GOLDEN RULE  for Mindful Parenting is thus coined out of the most loving four letter word LOVE, i.e

L-LOVE YOUR PARENTHOOD
O- OPPORTUNITIES BE PROVIDED to CHILDREN FOR HEALTHY GROWTH.
V- VALUE YOUR CHILD’S SKILLS & INDIVIDUALITY
E- ELIMINATE NEGATIVITY IN HANDLING CHILDREN.
Lastly, Parents must make regular DUA to make children the coolness of their eyes, source of benefit & peace for them.

Samina Yasmeen- The National UN Volunteer
Director,WORKOLOGIC.
Cell : 9848131453
Email : syasmeen@workologic.com